Business Training and Techniques: How to Be Assertive. Introduction Assertive behavior is based on the belief that your wants and needs are important, but not more so than the wants and needs of others. It is an alternative to aggressive behavior, which stems from the belief that your wants and needs override those of others. Jan 25, 2018 - In the classroom, students who lack assertiveness skills may hesitate to share. Explicitly teaching these techniques can make all of us more.
All Skills for Youth.Assertiveness as a Strategy for Increasing Self EsteembyThe following aspects of the skill are covered:. of the Skill. of the Skill. of the Skill, and.Description of the SkillOne way to increase self esteem is to become more assertive. Assertiveness is a skill that can help you have more control over what is happening in your life, which can then lead to higher self esteem.Assertive behaviors include:. asking for what you want or need. saying what you are really feeling whether it's positive or negative.
saying 'no' to what you don't wantConsider the following three communication styles:PassiveYou want to communicate something, but you don't express yourself, or you do so in a very timid or indirect manner that has no effect.AggressiveYou communicate in a manner that hurts or offends the other person. Aggressive communication can be openly nasty (putting someone down, threatening, or pressuring) or it can be indirect (sarcasm, gossip, or saying something ugly behind someone's back).AssertiveYou express your thoughts and feelings clearly and directly without intentionally hurting or disrespecting the other person.Being passive rather than assertive can leave you feeling depressed and worthless, feeling disrespected, feeling like a 'wimp,' feeling that you're not in control of your life, feeling frustration, anger, and/or anxiety. Being passive can also hurt your ability to have successful relationships because you aren't able to express your feelings directly and honestly.Being aggressive rather than assertive can cause others in your life to feel hurt, angry or disrespected, and they might respond aggressively in return.
This style can also lead to poor relationships characterized by a lack of communication and high levels of conflict.Specific Skills. Use assertive body language. Face the other person, stand or sit straight, don't use dismissive gestures, be sure you have a pleasant but serious facial expression, keep your voice calm and clear, not whiny or abrasive. Make clear, direct, requests without any hesitation or a lot of explanations. Don't invite the other person to say no.Example: 'Will you please.?' Instead of 'Would you mind.?'
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Or 'Do you think you would be able to.?' . Use 'I' statements. I feel (emotion) when you (behavior). I would prefer that you (alternate behavior.)Example: 'I feel disrespected when you keep interrupting me. I'd like to be able to finish making my point.' .
Stay focused on what you want to change without accusing or blaming the other person.Example: 'I'd like to be able to tell you something without worrying that other people will find out my business' instead of 'You're such a gossip!' . Give someone feedback calmly and respectfully without being aggressive or judgmental.Example: 'It seems like you pull away whenever we have some kind of disagreement' instead of 'You think you're so tough, but you're a wimp when it comes to this relationship.' . Take ownership of your own thoughts and feelings.Example: 'I get upset when you go through my things without my permission' instead of 'You make me so mad when you go into my room and go through my stuff behind my back.' .
Use the broken record technique. Keep repeating your point, using a low level, pleasant voice.
Don't get pulled into arguing or trying to explain yourself.Example: You are trying to buy a CD player that is on sale, and the sales person is trying to sell you one that is more expensive because it has state-of-the-art features, but you know you can't afford the more expensive equipment. Using the broken record, you say, 'I want the CD player that's on sale.' Then no matter what the clerk says, you keep repeating, 'I want the one that's on sale.' Demonstration of the SkillBefore having youth practice the skill of assertiveness, model three styles of making a request. For example, ask three participants, one at a time, if you can borrow their pen or pencil, changing the style of your request each time.
Pay attention to your tone of voice and body language, using them to emphasize the three different styles.Aggressive requestIn a gruff tone of voice, say something like, 'Give me your pen. I don't have a pen, and I need to borrow one' while snatching the pen out of the youth's hand.Passive requestLook nervous and softly mumble something like, 'Could you, uh, could I please, uh, would you mind if I borrowed your pen, please?' While looking down at the floor.Assertive requestLook the person in the eyes, smile in a non-threatening manner. In a calm, clear voice, say something like, 'I need a pen for this next exercise. May I borrow yours?' Debrief what you modeled with the group until you're sure that they can distinguish the three styles and that they're clear about assertiveness.Behavioral Practice of the Skill Body LanguageTo emphasize the importance of body language as a component of assertiveness, have youth assess what their body language is communicating when they are talking.
NoteA 'scripted role-play' is similar to writing a very short play. Characters are developed and assigned names or personas. A short exchange between the characters is developed and written into lines — just like the lines you might read for the script of a play or movie. Volunteers act out the role-play by reading the script. The script should be written so that it gives volunteers a good example of how an effective and realistic assertive interaction might take place.Next have youth identify situations in which they expect a possible confrontation or when they think it will be challenging to tell someone what they're really thinking or feeling. Set up unscripted role-plays to have them practice handling those situations assertively.Be sure to give feedback to actors after each demonstration so they can recognize what they are doing well and what they can do to be more assertive.Tips.
Encourage youth to rehearse or role play assertive behavior over and over again until their responses become second nature. Reinforcement will increase their likelihood of communicating assertively even in stressful situations. Explain that assertiveness is a skill that they will continue to work on and practice throughout their lives. Some situations are harder than others so they must be patient with themselves. Create teachable moments by commenting on group members' behavior when you observe them being assertive, aggressive or passive.
Of course, reinforce any assertive behavior in the group. Set up opportunities for individuals to 're-write the script' and re-enact the situation with group support if they've been either aggressive or passive. During your facilitation of these activities, ask youth how they feel about themselves after they've communicated assertively in different situations. Make the link between assertiveness and self esteem.
Young children need to learn how to respond in bullying situations by standing up for themselves and others in non-aggressive and respectful ways.
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